December 26, 2024 early am

 As I am  writing in my diary 

I talk about the strange dark 
And wonderful 
But that might just be 
For a dream journal
As I am writing in my diary 
I see that I am dissociating 
From reality 
The reality that is oppressive 
As I  am writing in my diary
I am writing the final chapter to my memoir 
Thus far

It’s 2 am, I am wide awake and I must tell you that I am annoyed as per usual, I had a very rough coloured dream for some odd reason in the dream I can’t interpret the dream, but it was something very unusual. There was a scythe in my dream and everything was in pink tone, like as if it was pink, I don’t know what the hell that means but anyway it was kind of unusual to see that I don’t usually talk about my dreams, but this time I felt a little unusual because it was not the usual blogging that I feel and wanting to go back to sleep I actually feel energized and ready to go to start the day. Only one problem is 2 AM in the fucking morning.  But I can not understand the scythe in the dream it was strange as fuck! That being said, I tried to look it up online. I haven’t really looked or gotten very far in it.!

A scythe in a dream could symbolize death, the natural cycle of life, or the "harvesting of souls": 

• Death

  The scythe is a traditional symbol of death, often associated with the Grim Reaper. The scythe's crescent moon shape represents the natural cycle of life, similar to the phases of the moon. 
• Harvesting of souls

  In funerary symbolism, the scythe and sickle represent the "harvesting of souls". These tools can be shown alone or with other objects, such as a sheaf of wheat or the Grim Reaper. 
• Reaping

  The scythe is a tool used by farmers to reap or mow, similar to how the Grim Reaper reaps the souls of sinners. 

  
  

  
  

  That being I was concern about the dream especially the pink tone of everything that was the 

  most unusual part as  that I usually dream in green tone, noting security provider!  But this 

  is most on usually. I am not one to get in this kind of stuff except for devination!  But you 

  Will thing I am Insane with this, but dreams are the ultimate in divination!

  
  

  That is what I was told about!

  
  

  Pink in this dream represents mystery and playfulness in life, you may have been hiding away from people for a while. Others might see it as a more girly color which could represent femininity or an inner desire for nurturing qualities

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  That being, this person who told me about the dreams being this divination tool and the ultimate hallucinations was a woman named Shawna,  I will not tell you her last name but she was a wise woman other then my mother!  She was the person that got me into crystals in the first place…..it is because of her that my life took a turn for the better!  That being, if it also weren’t for the Shawna human I would not fall back into love with writing poetry!  And just plain goddamn writing!   I remember that I started writing at length this blog the past life pillow book that being…..it is spicy!  So I will not be mentioning an of the content of the blog!

  
  

  
  

  I find the crystals help more than the medication at least she can carry or wear them around and you don’t have to worry about side effects unless you lick them or do something stupid like that I find the crystals are a lot better to deal with than pills because you cannot swallow a crystal unless you’re a giblet head!   And only giblet hands would be able or people with pico not giblet heads. Those people have a brain, but still those are the two only reason I see someone swallowing a crystal, but I don’t think anyone’s gonna do that. That being said I don’t think that you should swallow a crystal unless you are really have a bad experience so I just carry them around or wear them and they actually do some good for me a lot more than actually chewing on my food and then finding out I chopped on a pill….. Grow so I know I’ve done that 1000 times but last night was the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever done. I was eating a grilled cheese sandwich popped an iron pill in my mouth in the next ghetto I wanted to vomit. I just did not like the idea of chopping down on a soggy pill and wanting to you know that was pretty disturbing for me honestly, I don’t think that pills should have been invented! I tried to avoid them like a plan to be honest with you, but as I said, I can’t always avoid shit that I don’t like and stuff like that. I know I promised that I wasn’t gonna swear, but I can’t help but swear at times it’s just a part of me as if it’s my DNA or something is kind of as annoying to be honest with you!   I would like to stop swearing but something (either my mental health or personality) will compel me to the swearing lord!  That being, I am also trying to to work on my temper not that it was getting out hand for me…..but I just want to work on my self little by little!  That is one thing g I try to do is chip away at the undesirable flaws and keep the good flaws and hope for the best!

  
  

  I have been working on my self for a year or so!  That was earlier this year as I was in a bit of a bad rut!    Now there are good and bad ruts…..you want the good rut!  That bad rut was my mother’s death……I don’t blame her dying but I blame the funeral for my rut!

  To me field roles are not culturally sound, nor are headstones we do stone Kyran or the balancing stones that you probably seen on TV. That’s what we do to help grieve and that how we give ourselves close her after someone’s death stuff like that because of the shamanism factor, I don’t believe in the idea that you have to Force yourself to fit in with suicidal norms of the west I know I sound like a certain bird and know, but that’s basically Ed is that I’m more of a stone. Kyron look them up or a spirit world kind of person I might sound fanciful, but this is how I grieve. This is how my ancestors grieved!    It is really nature based!

  I don’t know why the west has not adopted more shamanic or eastern views on this fucking subject maybe less people will go insane with grief!   But that is my opinion on this matter!